I’d really love to see you wank
and present my bum for you to spank
I’d lick your lips and and kiss your flank
You’d think all your other lovers stank
And yeah, I’d love to toss you off
and tie your hands up with a scarf
I’d do things to you in the dark
that on your skin would leave a mark
I’d like to eye you in the buff
and have you face dive in my muff
I bet that you’d be really chuffed
to release yourself up in my stuff
My love would enchant you like a spell
and all your friends you’d want to tell
I bet The Precious works it well
And if it doesn’t then bloody hell
I’m trying to coax you out with love
Cuz you are all I’m thinkin’ of
This hiding bollocks you’re above
unless making us all mental is what you’re on about
No that last part didn’t rhyme
I can’t be perfect all the time
You really need to show your face
You cheeky little monkey
HERE
59 Comments
July 19, 2007 at 11:32 am
*Submitting WFW for a Poet Laureate nomination*
Brava, Bravissima!
One question though about this stanza:
I’d like to eye you in the buff
and have you face dive in my muff
I bet that you’d be really chuffed
to release yourself up in my stuff
“Chuffed” meaning “happy” or “chuffed” meaning “gaseous”? If it’s the latter, that’s some really freaky shit!
July 19, 2007 at 11:34 am
P.S. – Why does the Queen’s English even have a word that can mean both “happy” and “fart”? And Brits think Americans are the unrefined ones…hmpfff!
July 19, 2007 at 11:37 am
MB! I told you that the gassy thing was a secret! You blabber mouth whore! *runs away crying*
July 19, 2007 at 11:43 am
Excuse me while I clean gumbo off of my computer. See, I spit it out. Accidentally. Through my nose. While laughing my ass off at this poem!! I love it! Please allow me to quote my fave: “I’d do things to you in the dark/that on your skin would leavea mark”. Are you SURE you’re not spying on my inner thoughts and feelings???
July 19, 2007 at 11:46 am
WFW, dear, as long as you don’t quiver from your sliver, you’re all good.
July 19, 2007 at 11:51 am
Someone get this woman a Pulitzer prize, pronto!
Fanfuckingtastic, WFW. Brava, brava!
That was beautiful. *sigh* I’d SO let him put it in my butt…
and MB, you and I both know that “chuffed” ALWAYS means gassy. Otherwise, why use it?…why.use.it? If I want to say I’m happy, I’d simply use another British term….something like…
“I am soooo GAY, today!”
July 19, 2007 at 11:58 am
Thank you, AJ! I knew I wasn’t out of sorts (another British term?) when I questioned the “chuffed” reference.
Here’s a T-Shirt idea for females who are prone to
“chuffing” in the sack:
*Arrow pointing up*
I queef from my sheath.
*snicker*
July 19, 2007 at 12:03 pm
Poetry is such a cerebral and meaningful art form. I’m glad we can all share this lovely tribute. Went would be proud.
Oh, I’d let Went stick it in my bum too.
July 19, 2007 at 12:16 pm
Who’s up for a game of “Blind Man’s Muff” with Went?
http://www.sexcyclopedia.com/cunnilingus.html
Thanks for the tip, you-know-who!
*running to get some marmalade to stay with the Brit-love theme*
July 19, 2007 at 12:20 pm
Of course you would, WFW… but the real test of love: would you swallow his man-mustard??? WOULD YOU?
*whispers* Deny it all you want, I think you would!
July 19, 2007 at 12:22 pm
*sending WFW a Health and Guidance pamphlet*
If it looks like mustard, run.away.FAST!
If it’s mocha peen, wouldn’t it be man-mocha?
July 19, 2007 at 12:32 pm
You’re wacked, the lot of you! I like ketchup thank you very much and Earl Grey tea with milk. *whistling*
July 19, 2007 at 12:39 pm
Yeah, you like milk alright….
and MB it’s not called man-mustard because of the color. That would just be gross. But it is “twangy”… *realizing that doesn’t sound so appealing, either* Yeah, let’s just stick with man-milk…
Aaaaand another thing… I’ll take one of those T-shirts in an extra small, please, thank you!
July 19, 2007 at 12:48 pm
AJ – you’re one sick whore – I.LOVE.YOU!
*sending Went a case of Georgia’s best peaches with a note reading…*
Dear Went,
WFW’s ready to do Dallas, er, you. This will be her first time doing *ahem* certain things, so in anticipation of her arrival, won’t you be so kind as to feast on these delectable fuzzy orbs?
Best,
MB
P.S. – Not your fuzzy orbs, you kinky man, the ones in the box!
July 19, 2007 at 12:59 pm
Well done, let’s have tea and to really go out on a limb, perhaps a biscuit.
July 19, 2007 at 1:17 pm
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love you WFW!
July 19, 2007 at 1:18 pm
and you too Mama Bear!
July 19, 2007 at 1:51 pm
Maybe he shoots Lava down his peen….cause he’s so damn Hot..
July 19, 2007 at 3:09 pm
TOOOO Funny! That’s why Went likes the ladies to wear a scarf, you got it all figured out don’t cha WFW!
July 19, 2007 at 3:19 pm
“AJ – you’re one sick whore – I.LOVE.YOU!”
Awww, thanks Mama! I love you too, hooker!
And that note is fantastic! So much better than the one I wrote to him last summer:
Dear Went,
DO NOT HAVE SEX! You WILL get pregnant and die.
Be Good!
AJ
P.S. It’s true! I saw it in a movie once…
No wonder we never see him out with a girl….oops!
July 19, 2007 at 3:19 pm
No probs, MB! And I’m up for it!
(Especially after those peaches)
WFW, you are brilliant! We should totally write to those twats that compose litterature anthologies and ask them to list you. I’d queue to get a copy of your most interesting, ahum, musings.
July 19, 2007 at 3:54 pm
Well bugger me backwards, she’s done it again!
Bloody smashing, dear!
Now do not be disagreeable, Captain Wentworth, present yourself and delight WFW with your acquaintance!
(And yeah, keep in mind that all the talk about ejaculation in the comments has absolutely nothing to do with sudden utterances *snicker*).
July 19, 2007 at 4:42 pm
HAAAhAhAhAhA!!! Almost peed in my pants from laughing my ass off. The comments are soooo CRAZY!
July 19, 2007 at 5:18 pm
BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!! Bravo!! *claping hands
What a poet WFW, what a poet!
July 19, 2007 at 6:17 pm
Too bad you didn’t write this my senior year at Princeton. I could have written my thesis on your poem.
July 19, 2007 at 6:53 pm
The ironic thing is that I love all things British!
I think the last 2 lines are my favorite:
“You really need to show your face
You cheeky little monkey”
Right on, WFW!
(Is it possible to get an STD just from reading the comments to this post?)
July 19, 2007 at 7:07 pm
aaaaaaaahahaha i never knew chuffed had an alternative meaning and im British!
wfw you educate me and your ‘brit speak’ makes me laugh!
You are one seriously gifted chick!
July 19, 2007 at 7:11 pm
WFW: one word ‘CLASSIC’, referring to:
“Oh, I’d let Went stick it in my bum too.”
I still can’t control my laughter! I love you. (Oh yeah, and I have to admit to, he’s the only man I’d let put anything in my bum!!
July 19, 2007 at 9:26 pm
*sending a Health and Guidance pamphlet toilurvemv*
I thought everyone knew that the only way to get an STD from dirty blog commentary is to hump ones computer. That’s why I have virus protection.
July 19, 2007 at 9:47 pm
LMAO, Mama Bear! Touche!
July 19, 2007 at 11:28 pm
Hey, was that a “poke” at me WFW? Me likes milk (in tea especially!). You’re a cheek!
July 19, 2007 at 11:42 pm
WFW,
ROFLMAO! Bloody hilarious!
My favourite:
“My love would enchant you like a spell
and all your friends you’d want to tell
I bet The Precious works it well
And if it doesn’t then bloody hell”
Bloody hell WFW, you work it absolutely brilliantly.
July 20, 2007 at 2:12 am
You guys crack me up, WFW you really are very clever and perverted, although you just say what everyone else is thinking. Now I know we have all been through this before, and I don’t like to cast dispersions but all this talking about ass fucking, are we taking an eachway bet (on our Went) or just talking about the supreme sacrifice our crazed lust would induce?
July 20, 2007 at 2:24 am
Bloody classic stuff…..
Good to see some good old Queens english coming through.
July 20, 2007 at 3:15 am
Awwww… “wank” and “toss” !!!
(Did we not talk about the meaning of these terms while back? Lol.)
My fave bit:
I’d like to eye you in the buff
and have you face dive in my muff
I bet that you’d be really chuffed
to release yourself up in my stuff
*puuurrrr*
Ur delish poem takes me right back to my time in the UK. Wicked! All in all well done but then ur Muse is kinda rocking…
And Wentworth, u should be feeling so special right about now!! Lucky bugger! *tsk*
July 20, 2007 at 11:25 am
**clapping**
**in a posh british accent**
Thank-you for that wonderful poem you are a fiiiine fiilly. Absolutely spiffing. Tally ho, im off to ride the horses and walk the corgi’s.
**smacks WFW’s bottom**
July 20, 2007 at 11:30 am
And MB/AJ here in the uk we do not use words such as ‘chuffed’ to describe a ‘fart’ LMFAO
July 20, 2007 at 12:06 pm
Oh really, BB? So how do you explain this definition, hmmm?
chuff v. To chuff is to fart. Entirely separate from the word chuffed so use with care.
Source:
http://english2american.com/dictionary/c.html
And don’t give me that rubbish about UK females not farting…can we say bangers and mash?
July 20, 2007 at 12:22 pm
Reading all this this morning I nearly choked on my elevenses: a nice BRITISH muffin BTW.
For your reference, (we are in the UK) the little boys next door do use the word “fluffed” for farted…which I have always found rather odd and onomatopaeic…
July 20, 2007 at 1:16 pm
I knew I could count on MB to break out the dictionary! LMAO… Chuff = FART! And BB, henceforth, I fully expect you to start using it in its proper context!
Cheerio!
July 21, 2007 at 11:55 am
Mad Skillz WFW! Or shall I say Bloody Brilliant! *waiting for the WM song* *tapping fingernails on desk*
BTW – I love being so spoiled with all these new posts! Kudos!
July 21, 2007 at 3:42 pm
WFW…. how very Brittish of you to take it in the Bum for Went, forget about the mustard, just go for the Penis-Paste.
July 21, 2007 at 7:31 pm
*puff, puff, pant, pant, … man, I’m outta shape!*
Okay, short and sweet cause I’m mega, stoopid late!
WFW, dude, why aren’t you writing for real? … I’d like to eye you in the buff, and have you face dive in my muff.
Ahhahahahahaaaaaaaaa!!!
I tried reading all the posts, but I kept falling off my chair each time I read Mama B’s and AJ’s dirty ditties. Excuse me while I head off to confession.
Bless me, father, for I have sinned,
July 22, 2007 at 9:26 am
Siemka;) bardzo fajny blogasek ja też mam swój ale pochodze z innego kraju i po co mam podawadz, troche bładze w angielskim więc za bardzo nie rozumiem co piszesz;)
July 22, 2007 at 7:34 pm
and have you face dive in my muff
BHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA
I picture a diving gold medalist head-first in your beaver
LMFAO !!!#$@***
July 22, 2007 at 7:39 pm
WFW – no Brazilian eh??
- hand the man a forest map, insect repellant and breathing aparatus.
That is gold. (joking babe!)
x
July 22, 2007 at 10:14 pm
with a pen on his cock
he wrote YOU ROCK!
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
July 23, 2007 at 5:15 am
Just back from hols, I discover WFW’s last hilarious production!
Well , as a foreigner I had to work out all the fun bit by bit, because my knowledge comes from our british teachers! But I already knew about this “bum” thing that makes you Americans fall on your, well, “bums “or “arses” laughing madly, but I didn’t know there were so many funny quiproquos possible… I had heard about the English TV newsreader visiting an American colleague and being introduced to his “co-anchor” ( irrepressible mirth for the English counterpart) but I widened my horizon with MAMA BEAR’s (Thank you!) link : English2American dictionary…
WFW, your blog is so precious! SO funny, sexy and intelligent! Carry on for ever!
One question to you all, American girls : what would be the funniest use of a word or expression an English person would make in front of an American audience?
Thank you in advance….
July 23, 2007 at 6:15 am
Hi WFW
you certainly have a way with words
just saw this on prisonbreakmanhunt.com
Outdoor prison scenes for Sona are being filmed in Las Colinas in Irving, Texas with William Fichtner (Mahone), Wentworth Miller (Michael) and Wade Williams (Bellick). The scenes are being shot at “a former juvenile detention center off Harry Hines blvd and at another jail in Ft. Worth.” The source advises fans “a good time to go is before filming starts at about 7:00 am or when they finish. I left there at 7:00 and they were still in there filming.” So if any texan fans want to meet their Prison Break idols, here’s your chance!
I feel a trip to the US coming on – see you all soon.
July 24, 2007 at 11:42 pm
It’s a shame that they have over done the air-brushing on that first pic. Gone is the wee mole, and the natural looking Went. He looks almost plastic.
Cheers on the poem, if only we were all that good, then we would also ‘rock’ and be ‘loved’ by One.
Your dedication and perserverance is admired.
WFW you really do ROCK!
From your fan on the arse-end of the planet.
July 27, 2007 at 12:48 pm
Yes, he is sexy, when dressed…Might that be the reason why he doesn’t show his bare chest?
July 29, 2007 at 3:29 am
Now I know I love poetry. Good poetry.
August 30, 2007 at 11:48 pm
[...] AND OK, MAYBE JUST ONE DIRTY POST, LOL [...]
September 30, 2007 at 4:12 pm
on behalf of all brits:
absolutely mint!
]
[mint meaning very good!
WFW youve made my day!
September 30, 2007 at 4:13 pm
^^haha, its 9:12pm over here!
October 2, 2007 at 4:35 pm
How lovely to hear my poem is ace from a Brit! Cherio.
December 1, 2007 at 11:00 am
My dear sweet girl, this poem is Puilitzer Prize worthy, assuming you are American (I’m sure as hell not) You could be the next Thomas Hardy without the boredom or drowziness. You have won a fan!!!
January 30, 2008 at 4:30 am
hahah this is amazing. im in love.
good on you sweetheart xxx
September 25, 2008 at 1:49 pm
adoro wentworth scofield miller, ele é lindo, talentoso, tudo de bom. No Brasil, prison break, está bombando! Os invejosos que se segurem…