As Promised…

Here it is: My very hilarious fan letter. I tried to tone it down…I mean, saying “I think you’re hot and I just want to fuck your god damn brains out” would have been overkill…right? Right?

Xxxxxx Xxxxx – Name (online alias)
Xxxxxxxxxxxx – Address line 1
Xxxxxxxxxxxx – Address line 2
Xxxxxxxxxxxx – City, State, zip
xxx-xxx-xxxx – Phone number

Dear Wentworth,

First let me apologize for typing this instead of writing it; it’s so impersonal this way. I’m a bit of a computer geek so this is the arena I feel most comfortable in and if you actually saw my handwriting (see envelope), you would not be able to read it. I spend time perusing your IMDB board now and then and I heard through the grapevine that you might be in need of some literary entertainment…so here I am, the answer to your prayers. Went honey, you’re gorgeous and I can’t get enough of looking at you whenever I can. You give off this vibe that is intelligent and sophisticated (almost to the point of being intimidating) but sexy as hell, no wonder you don’t get a lot of the “here are a pair of my panties” letters; I’d imagine the ladies are afraid of you. There’s a bad boy in there somewhere though. You are not fooling me ONE bit Mr. Gemini (yes I’m into Astrology, no I don’t put all of my faith in it and I am AWARE that it makes me weird). You are my screensaver, my wallpaper, I devoted a whole Friendster photo album on my blog to your loveliness and your handsome image even haunts my dreams. In them, I kiss and lick every part of you…especially the part that just wouldn’t seem to peek out of those boxers in “Odd Man Out” no matter how much I wished and wished for a wardrobe malfunction. Whenever you are portraying pain and anguish on screen, I completely believe you, so you’re more than just a pretty face and if your acting career ever goes down the toilet, you should do us all a favor and become a voice actor because I could listen to you talk ALL day (in fact, in my dreams you ARE talking during…well, you know). But alas, in real life, you and I could never be because I’ll probably never meet you. I love you Wenty-Poo, but I’m not going to run all over the country looking for you! Now if you somehow crossed my path or we happened to be in the same city at the same time…that’s different. You will know it’s me because I will get on my knees and ask to worship at the temple of Wentworth and receive the pleasure between his majestys’ legs.

P.S. If all of this just grossed you out because you are (as some rumors like to imply) in fact gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that), not only is that your business, but that’s fine with me too. I’d still sleep with you anyway if you ever needed a change of pace or I’d be your faghag and masturbate to you in secret, either one. You know the gay rumors mean you have arrived right…Congratulations!
P.P.S. I hope you didn’t grammatically dissect this letter TOO much while you were reading it. I know I tend to get a little happy with a comma. If you’re ever in Baltimore, I’d be more than happy to let you show me where to put it, the comma and your manhood. Just please, if you want to surprise me (and I know you are DYING to meet me after this letter), please don’t pull an Oprah or a Publishers’ Clearing House and just show up on a bad hair day or when my apartment is a pig sty…Give a girl a day or so to prepare would you? If nothing else, I hope I made you (and/or your people) laugh and oh yeah, I love you in Prison Break. Good luck with your acting career!

Your Imaginary Love Slave,
Xxxxxx
(That’s pronounced Xxxxx; you’ll need that info for when you call me)

21 Comments

Filed under WFW Fan Letter

21 responses to “As Promised…

  1. Mink

    Oh my God! Did you really send this? I remember just laughing my ass off when I read it originally on IMDb. It’s probably the best Went post I’ve ever seen on that site. And you got a signed pic back in the mail? Coolness.

    Love this blog BTW. Are you going to be able to keep up this level of mad and hilarious activity? I do hope so. I’d hassle you to come and post at Church, but it looks like all your creative energy is going into this, so I’ll leave it 😉

  2. Wet For Went

    Yup, I really sent it…before I could chicken out and knowing full well it may never have reached his eyes anyway. I was just messing around, lol. I sure did post it on IMDB. It probably got deleted by now though. The funny thing is that by the time I got the pic, I forgot I even wrote the letter. I squealed like the fangirl I am at the happy surprise. Thanks for the compliment! I’ve been on a roll this week but who knows what the future will bring. I’m certainly going to try and keep this up! I’m pretty sure I have an account over at the Church (I’m a serial joiner), but I don’t think I’ve ever posted. I will check it out sometime in the near future, but after a week with this blog I already need a seriously long nap.

  3. Mink

    Yeah, you do have an account at Church (under your ‘alternative’ screen name LOL), so c’mon over when you get some strength back. Wrong place to post this, but thanks in advance for the Jimmy K clip. I’ll keep an eye out for it, and if you’re the first one with it up, I’ll post a link at Church. That should get you some traffic 😉

  4. Wet For Went

    Oops replied on the wrong post. I got sidetracked, but you know what? I forgot how my ABC and CBS stations have these squiggly lines running through them. I watch them so much I don’t even notice and this is WITH digital cable mind you. I will post them anyway but if and when someone posts a better version, I will switch them out. I guess it will have to do for now b/c it’s that or nothing!

  5. Anonymous

    Greetings from South Africa! Yes the Mother Land has access to the Internet too! I LOVE THIS BLOG! You are too cool! I have only recently discovered the wonder, the miracle, the awesomeness that is Wentworth Miller! I have been trailing the Internet in search of good quality websites that feature Mr Miller. I have only found two & one of them is you! (That rhymes! COOL) Anywhooo…just wanna congradulate you on the excellent job you’re doing & say keep it up! I’m a lil exclaimation mark happy – sorry!
    PS I wanna know more about you!If you feel comfortable send me some info. I think you’re hot!

  6. Wet For Went

    anon 7:44, South Africa? No shit! How’s the weather? Thanks for the love. This is my secret identity so giving you more info would defeat the purpose…but any slightly curious person would surely find out more about me on Myspace. You gave me a good idea though, I’ll do an about me on the blog sometime today maybe. Stay tuned.

  7. Anonymous

    I’m breathless with anticipation. The weather, like this blog, is HOT!

  8. Anonymous

    Wats a faghag?

  9. Anonymous

    Okay this is really meant for Mink & co. @ the Church but since I can’t post there I’ll post here, wet for went can comment if she feels like it.

    I think the Church is WHACK! there are too many f*ing rules & regulations. Rules are meant to be broken Honey! Here @ wet for went you can be free & express yourself. Horniness is a universal thing & transcends continents, genders & cultural & language barriers.

    We all share a love for the Pretty so lets not impose restrictions on how to express that love no matter how incoherent & repetative it becomes.

    Okay, rambling again let’s just summarize it this way:

    wet for went – HOT, first church – NOT!

  10. Wet For Went

    anon 1:56, a straight woman who is a hanger on to a gay man. It was like a shout out and of course used with deepest affection since I am somewhat of one already.

    anon 1:48 I have an identity over there but I’ve never posted and have no idea about the atmosphere but yes Wet For Went should be a place where you can express yourself, within reason of course. My personality does not allow for a great many restrictions of any kind. If something becomes a boundary I would not like crossed I will of course speak up but I doubt that will ever happen. Comment on…

  11. Anonymous

    All I can say is you’re, hilarious…I’m hooked. Definitely have you bookmarked & will be stopping by daily.

    Tears

  12. 2Intense

    2:01am sed it first but girl, you are hi-larious!!! This is a man who watches Family Guy, are you kidding, if he read it, he loved it. I’m sure it warmed the cockles of his … well you know…

    being demure here *blink* *blush*

  13. katjus

    I know this is late, very so, but hey, shoot me! Jeez…
    Anyways just wanted to give you big ups or whatever it is that the cool kids give each other these days when one from the hood has done well.
    I pretty much wet myself here in the backroom of my mothers religious bookshop where i work whilest reading your fantastic letter to dear Wentworth. The Grannys shopping for new bibles gave me looks but i just swore at them in Finnish (oh yeah, i am from Finland.) and kept on reading. Sweet. And you got a signed picture back? Lucky girl. Try a letter from Finland and you get back nothing or even less… Sending self stamped envelopes don´t do much good from here since for some strange reasons your postal office in the States don´t consider our stamps “valid”… Bullshit i say.
    Anyways, will keep my eye out for this site from now on since i haven´t laughed this hard since Bush was re-elected.
    Cheers and Ta!

  14. Anonymous

    hey WFW! I heart ur blog!
    Went is perfection. I wish I had the guts to send him a letter but I live in Australia so he probably wouldn’t even get it and I’d have no idea what to say…lol.
    I had a Went dream last night! I was Sara and we fucked in prison, god it was sweet *drools*.
    in conclusion, best blog i ever read.

    xoxo

  15. BUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    *crying and belly aching*

    This letter SO beats out my poetic undies!

  16. AJ

    *shaking head* His poor little sister! Hahahahahahaha…

    Since I have yet to comment on this letter, even though it’s the first thing I ever read on your site, I shall just say…absolutely fabulous! No wonder he LOVEs your blog and thinks you ROCK! …!

    I’m feeling inspired. Perhaps I shall send him that blow-up doll afterall!

  17. Ahhhh, yes…good times. In October 2006, I was still posting as an anon:

    Anonymous
    October 23rd, 2006 at 12:33 pm

    I’m breathless with anticipation. The weather, like this blog, is HOT!

    *chuckling* Times sure have changed, huh? 😉

  18. anonymous16

    my god, i love you & your website!!! its so freakin’ hilarious! yours is the only site i go back to again and again…

  19. Bellaxx

    hahah this is the most wonderful letter i’ve ever read. you have some talent girl and you also are so brave!!! im jealous already!! thanks for making my day…. everyday actually…
    xxx

  20. anca

    i realy fuck him ! there is my words and if he wants …here is my mail !

  21. Pingback: Wet For Went is One Year Old today! « Wet For Went

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