A Message from Wentworth Miller’s Chest Hair

Well hello! I don’t think we’ve ever been formerly introduced. I’m Wentworth Miller’s Chest Hair; How are you? I’m good now that I can breathe and all. I need air which is why Went always has his shirt open but not too much or I’ll catch cold. Anyway, I came by to talk about the whole gay thing. Went’s treasure trail to The Precious is the go between for ALL the good gossip so “the trail” as I like to call it, is blabbing again and I can’t keep a secret so here it is…

According to the trail, the only thing he’s heard about being anywhere near The Precious is Went’s hand so although he’s a superstar, he doesn’t seem to be getting any. Don’t believe the hype about that Beigette girl. The way I hear it she’s a frigid bitch but don’t tell anyone I said that OK? I have a reputation to protect. I’m friendly, not overly bushy, soft to the touch, some even say I’m adorable…I can’t possibly be associated with any kind of negativity. It’s just not me. Went not getting any is a shame really as I love to be stroked and I’m not the only one. When Went gets laid, we all win. So there you have it. Neither hide nor hair of girl nor boy has been seen in so long, the precious pubes are actually jealous of ME! Imagine that! I do get a lot of attention but it was me who got mutilated all last season for those stupid fake tattoos. Bad memories…

I also overheard Went saying that he wasn’t gay, but guess what? He didn’t say he was straight so fanboys, don’t lose hope. Personally, I like being stroked by anyone. All I need is love! Well, I’m out of here. Have a great day, oh the trail says to tell you hello and the precious pubes keep chanting “fall into the gap.” Not sure what that’s about…


Filed under Humor

33 responses to “A Message from Wentworth Miller’s Chest Hair

  1. mama bear

    wfw, who knew that chest hair could be so eloquent and encouraging?

  2. Anonymous

    so if he said he wasn’t gay but didn’t say he was straight can we assume he’s bi?

  3. sammie_pie

    Priceless, WFW- Priceless! I think that’s exactly how Went’s chest hair would speak in a given press conference /interview!

    Oh to be that orange/navy jumpsuit, or that white undershirt! Ohhh, to cling on Went’s glorious naked body… Why wasn’t I born a cotton piece of clothing? Aaaargh! I pray for the day to fall into Went’s lap. *kneeling down, eyes closed*

    And WFW- thanks for that info bit on the replay of the special on 1/21. You seriously rock!

  4. mama bear

    You know, upon second glance, I must say…even Went’s chest hair seems classy. Not too out there, not too crazy…revealing just enough to keep us tantalized by the thought of what it leads down to. *Sigh*

  5. Kris

    Dear Wentworth Miller’s Chest Hair,
    just thought I should let you know that I am great at trimming.

  6. Stacey

    I’m not a big fan of chest hair, but his is so sexy! I would give anything to stroke his chest hair, arm hair or any part of his beautiful body, hmm.. maybe even just touch his clothes or smell them, anything to be close to him or part of him. sorry getting carried away again, can’t help it, he is sooo perfect!!

  7. cocot13

    WFW you are funny as hell you make my day

  8. sammie_pie

    And Wentworth Miller’s Chest Hair-
    I’m a renowned chest hair caresser… Anytime, Anywhere…

  9. Anonymous

    great picture of him and thanks for cropping out smelly looking guy

  10. Anonymous

    Yummmyyyyyyy<3 you just made my day!!

  11. Anonymous

    WFW your wrong….that’s not chest hair that’s dirt from down-under, he’s been too busy to take a shower…hence the nickname STINKY ๐Ÿ™‚


  12. Anonymous

    I wonder if there are any grey hairs on his chest??

  13. nicbeast

    mmmmm…Treasure Trail…mmmmm…mine…my own…my Precious….

  14. the.red.head

    His chest hair is freakishly seductive. I’m sure his pubes are too….I’d stroke those beautiful wiry babies any day.

  15. Anonymous

    hahaha….u funny ๐Ÿ™‚

  16. linds

    This is by far the funniest thing I have read all week!

    Hi Anon, 3:33 pm, here’s something interesting. Went is a Gemini and if you are at all interested in the Zodiac it alleges that all Gems have naturally bi tendencies (sign of the Twins, Dual personality, etc…). Disclaimer: I’m not saying Went is bi, gay, whatever, I am saying that astrology and what it has to say about Went’s sign is interesting.

  17. Anonymous

    Wow, even his chest hair is talented. You know, I don’t think I’ve ever thought of someone’s chest hair/pubes as being gay/straight/bi…I’ll have to start paying more attention to that. Wonder if I can train mine to talk…

  18. Wet For Went

    mama bear, you just described every part of him.

    anon 3:33, I’m glad you asked that and yes that is EXACTLY what I’m saying.

    sammie_pie, Went’s glorius naked body? I can’t breathe…oh and you’re welcome.

    stacey, I’d like to stroke more than his hair…

    jailbird!!!! I missed you!

    You are all too kind but I can’t take credit for this idea as it was inspired by the ridiculously hilarious Conversations with Lindsay Lohan’s Vagina and the equally hilarious Follow up by The Gilded Moose. Man I love the Moose.

  19. Anonymous

    Talking about the gap, I had an English test the other day, starting with: Fill in the gaps with…etc… couldn’t read any further(well I did but it sounded like blah-blah-blah), all I could think about was THE GAP posters…mmmm. Yeah, fill in the gaps with Went.

    Oh, and great post of course. Even his chest hair is unique, lol.

  20. Anonymous

    Sorry, I didn’t mean to post it twice! I really didn’t! honestly! No idea how it happened. I’m stupid. End of the confession.

  21. Anonymous

    Present from Spain

    L.A people:
    We send you over fab super-articulate soccer star David Beckham plus his poshy wife Becks , we want something in return … Wenty will do … Is that OK with you?

    Greetings from Madrid

  22. Anonymous

    Sorry for the mistake

    .. plus his poshy wife . We want something in return …

  23. The Gilded Moose

    WHERE DID YOU GO? You’re a very intregal part of my diverstity quotient! This is fucked up. You will be getting a call from my black friend.

    and this post is hilarious.

  24. Anonymous

    There is definitely going to be a Season 3! – Prisonbreakbuff.com

  25. Anonymous

    WFW… I missed you too!!

    Been busy, I’m relocating to LA, would you like me to find Wentworth and pluck out a couple of chest hairs just for you??.

    Hugs & Kisses

  26. redlightmind

    Good Lord. How the hell am I supposed to concentrate now…

    I want to rent an apartment in Went’s chest hair.

    Jailbird, L.A. welcomes you!

  27. Jennifer D

    I’m so thankful for WFW. A friend told me about this, and shit… It made me look at Went in many, many, many diffrent ways. And I like them all.

    I’m in love with his chest hair. Normally i can’t stand chest hair, it makes we want to vomit. But now i want to lick it. Stroke it. Cuddle it. I want to do all the possible things.

  28. Anonymous

    Thanks #redlightming …let’s get together and stalk Wentworth, meet you at Starbucks.


  29. Anonymous

    #redlightmind…woops!! don’t know how I typed the letter G instead of D….I’m such a dumb-ass


  30. Redlightming


    Jailbird, you’re on!

  31. amy

    wfw… where did the chatbox go? ahhh, im going through withdrawl for his chest hair oh his beautiful hair…

  32. Anonymous

    omg this is one of the funniest (and weirdest) things i’ve read in a while lmao

    and sry chest hair but i think he should shave u off

    i don’t like body hair

  33. Pingback: Wet For Went is One Year Old today! « Wet For Went

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