THIS MAY VERY WELL BE THE BEST PRISON BREAK EPISODE I HAVE EVER SEEN. WARNING: TONIGHT’S EPISODE MAY RUIN YOUR CHANCES OF EVER ENJOYING ANOTHER TV SHOW EVER AGAIN, EVER.
****SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS****
We begin in the train station and Sara is getting off the train. She locks eyes with Michael. Oh god Went looks hot! Sara walks over to him as Kellerman takes a call from the President not far away and they hug. Michael does that closed eye thing and looks like he’s trying breathe her in. Oh Goddess help me if Went ever did that to me! Oh man, is the fangirl in me going to be able to get through this scene without talking about how cute Went looks and how perfect he is every other sentence? You know what? This is Wet For Went, it’s what I do. If I want to gush I damn well will and oh is this shit so very gushworthy. That lucky fucking bitch Sarah Wayne Callies got to lay her face up in the nape of that neck. Oh GOD! I. might. have. a. stroke. *swoon* They pull away, Mike gives this ridiculously cute little smile and she touches her hair all self-conscious and says “Yeah well,” and gives a little laugh. S.O.S. I need help. I need help! I think I’m climbing on board the MiSa ship. RED ALERT! Somebody stop me! PLEASE! STOP ME! It’s too late! I’m on board! I’m fucking on board! Who could deny all of this ridiculous cuteness. Oh man…The President is still trying to coax Kellerman back in as Michael and Sara have a little chat with Linc standing a little ways away doing his best incognito look with his hat down low and looking hot while doing it I might add. The President tells Kellerman she’s speaking in Chicago and that it can all go away if he’ll just bring the brothers in. Kellerman is questionable; This does not look good. Sara shows Mike the key and he tells her he doesn’t know what it unlocks and then says “but ah, Sara we’ve got someone working with us now.” Sara turns her head and a few yards away sees Kellerman. I can’t wait for Mike to kick some ass.
T-bag is waking up next to Susan “Good Morning Sunshine.” LMAO Is it healthy that I love a rapist murdering bastard this much? Even a fictional one? I think I need help with that too. He offers to go wake up the kids but she insists on doing it. He takes a knife out of the nightstand and walks over to her with it, picks up the pillow, to reveal the rope he has tied araound her hands; The other side is tied to the headboard frame, lol. Kinky T-bag! He offers to put some cream on her ropeburn…no actual cream people this is network TV. She brings him back to reality by mentioning work and school and telling him that people will start looking for them, for example, some lady that’s supposed to come over later. T-bag smiles and says “It’s no trouble, no trouble at all.”
Back to the train station, oh yes. They are all meeting up and Kellerman says “Hi Sara, what’s done is done. We all want the same thing,” and the next minute he is up against the wall with Linc holding his arm so he can’t get away and Mike’s hands wrapped around his throat. OH YEAH! Quotes will not do this scene justice. MUST. POST. AUDIO. CLIPS. LATER.
Mike: “You didn’t tell us you left her to die.”
Kellerman: “I was scaring her, I was gonna pull her out.”
Sara standing back watching the boys fight for her honor says “No, you left me there to drown.”
Mike: “I wonder how long you can hold your breath. Mabe we should find out.” BRILLIANT!
Kellerman can barely talk now: “You need me and you know it. You need me. You need me.”
Mike releases him. I think I just came.
Sara: “Why, Why do we need him? We have the key. We’ll find out what it’s for.”
Kellerman catches a glimpse of it around her neck: “I can tell you what what that key’s for right now. It’s to a private cigar club.”
UH OH! Mike might pay for that! *Intense look from Went* Oh Wentworth, you’re so fine. You’re so fine you blow my mind hey Wentworth. Hey Wentworth. Roll Credits…I can’t breathe already and the episode hasn’t even started yet! Oh Lord!
Haywire is touching up the raft talking to the dog. “We have to hurry Larry, I did a bad thing. A very bad thing.”
Meanwhile, the FBI has gotten wind of the murder Haywire just committed and Mahone is fighting with that weasel again. Mahone asks him “Are you not following direct orders now?” and he says “Oh I’m following direct orders sir, I’m just not following them from you. Everything goes through Headquarters now.” Seriously, Mahone should just kill this dude. He is pissing me off. No one fucks with THE Mahone. No one. Mr. Kim is doing his hourly threatening and calls Mahone to tell him to kill Haywire when he finds him.
Kellerman is talking to the train ticket taker or whoever and tells him he is transporting a fugitive to Chicago and that he needs a car clear. Mike has a coat over his hands to appear handcuffed. Sara and Linc are off waiting for the car to be ready. Linc tells her he’s sorry she got involved and thanks her for helping them. He tells her it’s gonna be alright and touches her arm in a brother-in-lawly way. Car’s clear. Sara and Linc hop on. Kellerman says they’ll be in Chicago is 5 hours and they can get some rest…Like anybody is gonna sleep around him, lol. Mike asks Sara is she’s OK…Awwwwww.
Mahone is going to see Bellick again. Turns out Mahone couldn’t get him transferred b/c the new Warden is no nonsense. Mahone seems to think he can use Bellick but asked about his tracking skills first recalling how he found Mike and Linc through Nika and T-bag through following Susan, lol, Bellick says “Yeah, and I blow my nose with my right hand and I wipe my ass with my left, what of it.” Oh Bellick, this is why I love you. Mahone offers him freedom for finding the cons unofficially. Apparently they can find some constitutional violations in his prosecution and set him free.
Mahone: “I need a junkyard dog who’s willing to do the ugly things it takes to bring a con to justice. Are you my dog Brad?”
Bellick: “Damn hell yeah I am.” AHAHAHAHAHA!
Back at the T-bag residence, T-bag’s sexy ass is charming the pants off of their guest all cookin and shit. I love him. The son tries to pull a fast one and tells her she should see the new bike Teddy bought him that’s in the garage, lol. Did he think he would get away with that? T-bag gets that shit under control and the kid sits his punk ass down. Don’t fuck with the Chuck kid. Just don’t.
On the train, Paul is looking smug, Linc is asleep but even asleep, he’s looking like he’s gonna kill someone as usual, Mike is staring out the window looking beautiful (Oh Went! *dies*) and Sara is having flashbacks of all of Kellerman’s deception and her almost murder. She glances over at Linc with his eyes closed and gets Michael’s attention and asks if there is anywhere she can get water. Like the gentleman he is, he offers to go and get it for her. After he leaves the car, she gets up and walks to the back of the car and as she walks by Kellerman says “It was never personal Sara; War never is.” She says, “yeah,” gets by, stands behind him and takes out some material from who knows where (her coat maybe) and starts strangling his bitch ass with it. AHAHAHAHAHAHA! GO SARA! SARA! SARA! SARA! SARA! AHAHAHAHAHA!
Linc wakes up to the sound of Kellerman choking and to the crazy fucking look on Sara’s face as she enjoys every minute of it. AHAHAHAHAHAHA! Linc goes over to her and says “Sara back up,” but doesn’t dare put his hands on his brothers’ woman. You’re a good man Linc. Michael walks in just in time and grabs her from behind. Wait…He…grabs…her…from…behind. I know it’s to stop her from killing Kellerman and all but oh man. Whew! What was I saying? OK so he is STILL holding her from behind (I’m dying inside) while she tries to lunge at Kellerman and he says “Settle down.” You talkin to me Went cuz I don’t think that’s possible. Where was I? Oh yes, Kellerman is wheezing and coughing, LOL and tells her she only gets one of those as he tries to get his hands on her but Linc holds him back. AHAHAHAHA! It’s Mayhem! Just then, there’s a knock on the car door. It’s the train ticket taker or whatever checking out what is going on b/c the guys sitting near the door reported a fight in their car. “Do I need to notify the police?” There’s always one nosy fucker that wants to ruin it for everybody. Shut up train ticket taker! Kellerman basically tells them all to mind their own damn business and closes the door, lol. He walks back over to Party of Three over there and says “Just so we’re all clear, if she tries that again.” but he doesn’t get to finish that sentence b/c Mike does it for him: “You’ll do what?” he asks looking like he’s ready to kick some ass. AHAHAHAHAHA! Linc says, “Just stay on the other side of the car.” AHAHAHAHA! I love it. Imaginary line Paul! Don’t cross it! Sara gets up to leave and says “It wasn’t personal Paul,” laced with disgust. Oh Sara, Am I in love with you too? Paul laughs. I’m laughing too but not WITH you Paul!
Bellick is walking out of jail to the parking lot and the vehicle Mahone left there for him complete with gun, badge and file on Haywire. Bellick is gonna fuck somebody up.
Back at the T-bag residence their guest is leaving and just loves her some T-bag. She loves him so much she suggests they host the weekly book club there this week. When she leaves T-bag looks exhausted. This shit is not gonna work. He tells everyone to pack their bags; They’re moving. Next we see them driving down the street with T-bag’s crazy ass looking happy and using hand signals with his bad hand, lol. He is so crazy.
Meanwhile C-Note and Dee Dee are in a diner and Dee Dee isn’t eating. She doesn’t feel well. Cut to the bathroom, looks like the kid had to throw up. Poor baby! C-Note is going to get her out of there but just as he goes for the door, a hopped up robber pulls a gun to stick the place up.
Sara has locked herself away in the bathroom. Michael knocks on the door but she wants to be alone. The brothers are plotting now wondering when they can dump Kellerman and if what they find will clear them. Kellerman excuses himself to call the President. He wants to know exactly how she’s going to make things right. She offers him Chief of Staff and he says he’ll meet her in Chicago.
The hopped up robber is collecting money but thinks C-Note looks a little short. C-Note explains that is all he has. The junkie robber turns to the woman behind the counter and a man tries to sneak up behind him to take him out but instead takes a pistol whipping to the face. C-Note sees the robber is freaked and tries to help the robbery along but suggesting the woman behind the counter lock the door put up the closed sign and everyone move to the other side of the room. C-Note is trying to get out of there.
Mike goes to check on Sara again but this time she tells him to come in, he does and closes the door behind him. Here it comes. She’s talking about what a mess her life is…Girl please. Look who you’re sitting in a car with! Michael says faith keeps him going. She says 2 things are keeping her going, she wants to find the people who killed her Dad and in so many words, her love for him. He grabs her face and kisses her. He smooths her hair and kisses her some more. He pulls back and gives her the “Is this OK?” mixed with the “I want you” look as she holds his face gently. She smiles, yeah I’d smile too you lucky fucking bitch. She grabs his face with both hands now still gently, and they kiss again. They pull back again and she gives him the “oh yeah” look and he backs her up against the mirror. She reaches both arms around his neck tightly, they’re getting into it now. This is getting hot. The train jerks and there’s the interruption! I knew it! GOD DAMMIT! It was just getting really good! Michael and Sara flee from the bathroom to find out what’s going on. Up ahead there’s a road block on the tracks with 4 police cars and cops with rifles. Oh shit!
They try to get to the front car. but it’s locked. Linc goes outside the train, crawls up the ladder, runs across the top of the train to get into the car with the conductor. HOLY FUCKING SHIT LINC! He pulls a gun on him and unlocks the door from the inside so that Mike, Sara and Kellerman can come in. Linc commands him to ram the barracade. That’s what I’m talkin about! AHAHAHAHA! Awesome.
Bellick is rehearsing his new Federal title in the car before he gets out to go lean on the teenage girl who is newly emancipated, lol. He tells her that her story is a load of crap and threatens her. She caves and tells Bellick where Haywire’s raft is. Bellick tells Mahone and Mahone is on the way.
On the train, they are trying to figure out what to do since cops will undoubtedly be waiting at the next train station. Linc suggests they jump. Michael tells him he’s right.
Back at the diner the robbery is almost over except the robber wants everyone in the storage room until the cops arrive. C-Note admits to being on the run and pleads for the robber to let him take his sick daughter and go as he is her only means of support but before he can leave, junkie robber grabs the girl he’s had his eye on (the one that was behind he counter). C-Note knows he’s gonna rape her and he can’t live with himself. He has Dee Dee waiting by the door and he goes back in to try and talk him out of it. The robber is insistant and C-Note has had just about enough of this and kicks the guys ass and breaks his arm in a VERY painful looking way. OUCH! GO C-NOTE! He’s ready to leave now but the cops are pulling up. OH NO! The cops are in the diner now. They ask who took the robber out and the guy who got pistol whipped earlier takes responsibility while C-Note is nowhere to be found…That’s b/c the woman he just saved is letting him and Dee Dee out the back. He thanks her. I’m crying.
Meanwhile Bellick found Haywire and yells for him not to move, lol. Of course he runs but not before he tells the dog to. Oh yeah that’s really what you should be worried about you nut.
The conductor is radioing in to the police that the cons are jumping from the train and gives them the exact location. DAMMIT! The cops are in hot pursuit complete with dogs and guns and a helicopter. Everybody is running like hell, but they’re too close, OH NO! They have them surrounded. Don’t shoot, someone yells…Hey that’s not them! Flashback time! Linc and the boys dressed up some passengers, threw them off the train and told them to run or they’d kill them, AHAHAHAHAH! Granted, this does not explain why they KEPT running once out of immediate danger but you know what? I don’t care. BRILLIANT! Meanwhile, the party has made it safely to the next stop and off of the train before the cops who have finally figured out they’ve been duped try and get on to search the car. HEE HEE!
Bellick is chasing Haywire and poor Haywire has nowhere to go but up so he climbs up some water tower or something. Bellick calls Mahone to let him know that he has him trapped and Mahone is almost there.
Linc, Mike, Kellerman and Sara are in a parking lot somewhere trying car doors so they can steal a car. Mike walks by chewing gum. LOOK AT THE MOVEMENT OF THAT JAW. RED ALERT! WENT IS CHEWING GUM AND IT IS OH SO VERY SEXY. *swoon* Kellerman gets another call from the President and this is his chance to ask her how the hell the police could be on their tail unless she tipped them off…And then he remembers, Kim has not let him talk to President since he met him…Hey, maybe this isn’t the President at all! She also keeps asking about Burrows and Scofield, What up with that? So he asks her where they spent his 35th birthday, she tries to get out of it and he tells her not to hang up. She insists she has to go and it’s some woman on the other end with a voice changer mechanism on the phone! AHAHAHAHA! Kellerman tells her not to hang up and then tells her to tell Kim he just screwed up big time. Kim looks worried. AHAHAHAH! I think Kellerman is permanently anti-govt now! Yes!
Mahone pulls up to a circus complete with police pulling up. Mahone can’t off him like this. He pulls his badge, gets on the ladder, takes one of those happy pills and goes on up. He tries to talk Haywire down but I think anyone watching is feeling what is coming. Haywire says he doesn’t want to go to prison, he just wants to go to Holland. Poor mentally disabled Haywire. I WILL CRY. PLEASE NO. PLEASE DON’T DO THIS TO ME! Mahone tells him he doesn’t have to go back to Prison but that he can’t go to Holland. He tells him there’s a way out. He’s talking him into suicide! Oh GOD no!
Flash to Kellerman and company and he is offering to go into the cigar club since he is the only one that is not a con. Turns out he wasn’t lying about the club being in Chicago afterall! Mike asks Sara if she wants to go for a walk. Awww
Flash back to Haywire and Mahone. There’s a way out he tells Haywire. Haywire is tired of running. He says he wants to go now and makes like he will jump. Mahone tells him he can. The tears are starting I can not take this. I can’t. Oh Lord no PLEASE! He looks to Mahone for direction, Mahone says it’s OK. Haywire climbs over the railing, I’m crying so hard now I can barely see, and he jumps. Haywire noooooooooo! *tears*
As he jumps, we’re back with Mike and Sara. Michael says “Oh Sara, about before, me too.” He said I love you too, but I can’t enjoy it b/c Haywire is still falling and then he hits with a thud that makes Mahone wince and Bellick look away. Now he’s laying at the bottom, blood coming out of his mouth, laying next to his picture of Holland that he was clutching as he fell. I’m bawling now. I’m wailing. This hurts man. This really hurts.