Pick One: TV Character Edition

After the Scarfalotta incident, I asked you to choose who you’d rather see Wentworth Miller with, Beigette or Scarfy and you chose *drum roll*: He should die alone. Well we can’t have that can we? He’s got to be with someone and since none of us can handle a real someone, how about a FAKE someone?

1. Claire Fisher Six Feet Under

When asked which TV character I was most like (personality-wise), this is the answer one of my closest friends gave so we’ll start here but not just b/c our personalities resemble each other but b/c I fell in love with this character in the Pilot. She had me at hello. The first time she tries Crystal Meth, her trip is interrupted by the news that her father is dead so she has to drive to the hospital, high, and try to deal with something as heavy as death (although growing up in a funeral home it has always surrounded her anyway). One of my favorite characters ever on one of my favorite shows ever that had the best. finale. ever(Rome comes in a close second). She’s an old soul, she’s artistic, she’s a smart-ass, she’s a spazz, she takes risks, she’s open-minded, she thinks for herself, she’s strange, she just rocks. Think about it Wentworth…Your class; her sass. It would be a match made in heaven.

2. Brian Kinney Queer as Folk

If Claire is my favorite female character ever, Brian is my favorite male character ever. He had me at:

Brian: Where ya headed?
Justin: No place special…
Brian: I can change that

And change that he did. He IS special. He says what’s on his mind, he’s a realist, he’s intelligent, he’s got great taste, he’s got great arms (he’s got great everything), he’ll always be young and he’ll always be beautiful (*tearing up*), he’s an awesome lay and he has a big heart he always tries to hide. Now while Brians’ heart seems to be taken, that’s not the organ he prefers to share anyway. Went, you need some action so why not let Brian break you off a piece of that FINE ass thing he’s got goin on. Oh and do a girl a favor: Record it.

3. Charlotte York Sex and the City

So Went, maybe you’re looking for someone a bit more traditional? How about Charlotte? She’s old-fashioned, she’s optimistic, she’s well-bred, she’s determined, she wants children too and while she can be annoying at times, her child-like enthusiasm is like a ray of sunlight through the clouds. When she walked out in that pink dress with her head held high after her miscarriage, I cried. The most reserved of the awesome foursome that lit NYC on fire and seared themselves into our hearts, I think she would be a good choice.

4. Peter Petrelli Heroes

Mmmmm Peter. He’s cute, he’s sensitive and you two have something very important in common: You’ve both made me cum. Let me show you how he managed it.

Did you see that shit? DID. YOU. SEE. THAT. SHIT? I was watching it in bed and I screamed at the top of my lungs, threw my head back, closed my eyes and came instantly. *shiver* This is why you need to be with him Went. He’s a motherfucking Hero and like you, he glows. Well in a different way than you but…Oh and um, Check out Pete 5 years in the future, Can you say HAWT?

5. Blanca Selgado The Sopranos

What started as a fling, turned into something else, much to the chagrin of a Mafia first family. She’s hot, she’s Latina, she’s newly single and she has a kid. You like kids right Went? Don’t mind that pasty face brat in the picture; That’s just A.J. That is SO over and he is crying like a BITCH about it too so you know her shit must be good. And even in that top, she beats your other gal pals.

6. Charles Brandon The Tudors

The hottest thing on The Tudors (after The King of course, props to his majesty), why couldn’t that be me with him in the Pilot *biting lip*? He’s sarcastic, He’s got a HOT ass, your name would fit in wonderfully in his world, he has a great sense of humor, he has a TITLE for fucks sake. So what he married the King’s sister; I’m sure he’d leave her for you! He is walking sex; You are walking sex. Charles, you cad, meet Went, he needs a good screwing. Show him what you’ll do to him…

Henry Cavill Naked The Tudors
Uploaded by outnext

EXCELLENT…

7. Addison Montgomery Grey’s Anatomy

The character with one of the most jaw dropping entrances in TV history is one I used to hate but now I love her (now that’s character development). She’s an Obstetrician which means she’s hella smart, she’s together, she needs a good man (let’s just hope she doesn’t cheat on you) and she’s feeling lost b/c she’s no longer into McSteamy and she can’t have kids. She could use a little love in her life.

8. Dr. Eric Foreman House

Didn’t your mother always tell you to marry a doctor? He’s hot, he survived a weird illness and lived to tell the tale (just think of the first date getting to know you convo, bet you haven’t heard THAT one before), he has a moral compass, and he has the same name as a certain TV smart-ass goof that comes to mind whenever someone says his whole name out loud (Whose idea was it to name him that?). He is definitely on the ball if he’s on House’s team and his IQ is probably higher than yours!

9. Bree Van De Kamp Desperate Housewives

My favorite housewife is anything but desperate. She knows how to handle a rifle, she knows how to keep up appearances, she can keep a secret (and letting someone die when you could have saved their life is a BIG secret), she’s resourceful, she’s a bit of an Ice Queen but you can be cold too when you want to be, she has great hair and she’ll spank you and then make you muffins, she’s well…perfect.

10. Dean Winchester Supernatural

The guy fights the supernatural for a living and he’s an actor too! I mean, how could he pretend to be so many different things so convincingly if he wasn’t (a cop, a convict, a PA, a reporter, the list goes on and on)? You have something in common! He’s hot, he’s cocky, he’s hot, he drives a muscle car, he’s hot, he’s a bad ass, he’s hot, oh and he loves his brother so he’s a sweetheart too…and he’s hot. Like you, he’s all about family. If you won’t take him I will!

11. Patty Bouvier The Simpsons

She’s got a fro! Check it out! She doesn’t need a man; I’m sure you find that a turn on. She’s older, she smokes, she has a thing for TV characters who are good at getting themselves out of sticky situations (you play such a character on TV which I’m sure she’d appreciate that, Michael is no Macgyver but he’s close enough). I see great things where this relationship is concerned.

12. Jack Bauer 24

It may be hard for him to let you in (pun intended) but he really does just want to protect you (there it is, another pun). He doesn’t have much time for romance (although neither do you)…In fact he doesn’t have time for much of anything. I’ve never seen him eat, shit, rest…You know, I’m not sure he’s human which makes him PERFECT for you b/c you are not human either (You are too beautiful to be human)! Together you’d be unstoppable!

13. Alice Pieszecki The L Word

While I am an avid Shane-lover (Oh FUCK ME SHANE) and a Jenny-sympathizer (What a fucking mess that girl is), you can’t help but LOVE Alice. When she told Jenny and Marina that they should just go off and get married, I knew I was in love. She’s a writer, she’s bi (a whole world of possibilities just opened up for you my friend), she’s funny, she’s pretty as hell and she’s blonde…If I remember correctly, you do like your blondes.

14. Clark Kent Smallville

That’s right, another Superhero for MY superhero; Only the best for my Wentworth! [girly voice]Went, you’re my superhero.[/girly voice] He’s freaking Superman and he only has one weakness so steer clear of the Kryptonite and you’re golden (the green, not the red…I LOVE him on the red!). He has lasers for eyes, he can fly and if he can run that fast can you imagine how fast he could move…*is dead*

15. Catherine Willows CSI

Brains Beauty and Talent, a fantastic mix…She’s smart (She’s a fucking SCIENTIST man!), She’s beautiful and she used to be a stripper so she knows how to work it but these days she makes money with her head…I mean her brain…I mean her mind although she probably could make money with her head (or brain) too. She’s got one bad marriage behind her, she doesn’t take shit and yes, if you ask nicely, she will wear the gloves. And although I am really still waiting for some Willows-Warrick action, I can accept her with you too.

So, which one?

27 Comments

Filed under Humor

27 responses to “Pick One: TV Character Edition

  1. Krissie

    Well, this is what you get when Went is in hiding. Not that it wasn’t fun, it’s just that it lacked… well… Went.
    Anyhoo, just for the record, I never voted for him to die alone. See, I actually like him and want him to be happy.
    So if he had to be happy with someone from that list, I would have to say that Charlotte has my vote. (I bet you knew that, WFW.) Why, one might ask. Well, she’s obviously beautiful. Then, she’s a lady. And we all very well know that Went is a gentleman. But most of all, she seems fragile on the outside (and I always say he should be with someone who is somewhat delicate) but is in fact strong on the inside. Basically, she has it all. So… *singing* Went and Charlotte sitting in a tree…

  2. velvetine

    they should all just have one big orgy… (and invite me, obviously)!!

    but yummmm, dean and clark and jack and *gasp* bree and addison and charles brandon and *gasp* peter and charlotte!!!!

    that is a recipe for ORGASM!

  3. Anonymous

    Well, Brian Kinney for fuck’s sake!!
    He’s the most gorgeous man walking this planet … hand in hand with Went of course!

    If he’s not into men who are this H.O.T. then I’d go with Charlotte, she’s utter perfection!
    They just mesh well together.

    BTW, I loved your list … How do you come up with this shit anyway??

    Julie

  4. AJ

    My female choice would have to be Addison Montgomery. I’m fucking in love with her. And they’ll have a mutual friend in Kellerman/Cooper. How convenient.

    My male choice is definitely gonna be Dean. Mmmmm….Went and Dean…. I’m gonna need a moment….

    *whispers* Oh, and uh…I’ll just be keepin’ Charles Brandon for myself, thanks.

  5. Wentasy_baybi

    I have to pick Clark Kent from Smallville. Holy Crap that pic of him is hott! He looks like Cillian Murphy in that one. lol.

    But yeah… When I scrolled down the screen and I saw the name DR. Eric Foreman, I was like “Oh! Eric Foreman from That 70’s Show transformed into a black man doctor.” Sexy. Black men are hhhaaaaawwwwwttttt!!!

  6. Neila

    Great choices, but I’ve got to go with Brian Kinney on this one. It’s the arms . . . and the voice . . . and the ass. . . oh, Im getting hot just thinking about it. Someone should Slash that duo!

    I also have another option for you – Went with Matthew Rhys! Now that would be sizzling!

  7. rach

    damn. tats a good list.

    i choose peter petrelli.

    if i cant haf went or peter. no one can! so they might as well have each other. *though the die alone part sounds equally satisfying* ;p

  8. Hannah

    awww..how can anyone choose between these guys?? well, my female choice would be…Addison! don’t know why. Male choice would be…Jack Bauer…just think about what these two guys could do to world together! they’d be unstoppable 🙂 btw,thanks WFW, I got the laughs of a day.

  9. emily

    me, too, AJ! Addison is so hot. Went + Addison= EXPLOSIVE ORGASMIC HOTNESS!

  10. emily

    okay, but Went, seriously: It’s time to go back to work. you clearly have trouble with down time. or maybe it’s ME that has trouble with YOUR downtime. either way. just get your ass back to work ASAP.

  11. Juma

    Think I’ll choose Claire. Maybe she could shake his world a bit.
    As for guys, I would love to see him in a hot scene with Charles Brandon…
    And if you don’t mind, I’ll keep Peter, Dean and Jack for my own personal entertainment. My very own harem!!

  12. gravitygirl

    Now the list is great but incomplete! We need some ass-kicking Nikita aka Peta Wilson. She’s the only one I can think of in this context without getting blood-thirsty, plus she’d be able to fight off the fangirl hords!

  13. Anonymous

    Charlotte definitely. She’s a lady, Went’s a gent. She’s old fashioned, he’s old fashioned. She gorgeous, he’s gorgeous. He like’s women with dark hair (forget about Amie). She’s cultured and sophisticated,he’s cultured and sophisticated. She’s perfect for him. Too bad she’s not a real person.

  14. VanS

    Hummm….I’m thinking of Went and Addison Montgomery and I’m getting Hot like Hell!!
    She would be so fine for him.
    As for guys…I would bet on Charles Brandon. I don’t know him from no where, but I’ve seen that vid and he is so Hotiliciuos. Went would do him!

  15. A Sprinkled Life

    I believe Went would choose Charlotte…I would choose Claire. I lurves her.

  16. linds

    You know how much I love Went, but I’m sorry to say I cannot give him Henry Cavill (Charles Brandon on the Tudors). I adore Went, but after seeing the ORGASMIC SEX SCENES on the Tudors, I’d call Henry Daddy….and mean it.

  17. Patty

    You know I am partial to Brian Kinney. Yum! And Tom Welling. And Future Peter. What a list! But, hands down…I think Went is a perfect match with Patty B (because she IS me!) although I like Claire too. Can we pick “all”? Auditions, maybe?

  18. Anonymous

    Went, henry cavill, jensen, milo, tom w. that´s one fucking hot orgy and me in the middle ;). Oh, oh.. the endless pleasure.
    Im gonna need a moment here.

  19. Anonymous

    Tom Welling I heard he’s packing…um…his humongous….

    …..I’m back…..

    thanks for providing us with “””that””” clip – doggy style
    I wanna be HIS BITCH!
    🙂

  20. Bel

    Went,

    Could you please get angry again like Michael did to Caroline, but to Peter Petrelli from the future, and then have him attack you flying through a wall with fire in his hands, and then when he lands on you, have a struggle on the floor with perhaps some vampire action going on, just let yourselves be inspired by Tom Cruise biting Brad Pitt in Interview with the Vampire, and then have hot steamy, angry, aggressive sex?

    That would really make my day. Thanks!

    Bel

  21. bb

    for me it has to be patty bouvoir and i will keep dean winchester to myself

  22. Anonymous

    Uh…yeah. My vote goes to lil’ miss Patty Bouvier…because she’s a blue-haired f*in cartoon! Ain’t no competition there. Everyone else is faaaar to beautimous. ‘Nuff said.
    -Rhea

  23. Anonymous

    anyone but Tom Welling(can’t stand this guy).

  24. Anonymous

    Hey there!
    Acctualy,I guess for the fantasm Peter Petrelli will be totaly perfect(those two ones?yummy)and to be realistic,as Went like girls,an mostly brunettes…might be Me…oups I’m not on the list,so why not claire,she’s just in the middle of what Went says with his taste with brunette and his reality,the blondie one(what’s her name already????) and strong personality!
    Well,I was right:Sould be me!no kidding!!

  25. niknak

    I pick either Addison Montgomery or Catherine Willows. They seem to have the feisty Abby Carmichael vibe WM has the hots for.

  26. nicbeast

    I don’t know who I would pick for Went, but I could pick a couple of those for myself to pass some time.

    Oh, and Bel…

    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!

  27. Pingback: Wet For Went is One Year Old today! « Wet For Went

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