Or he will once he gets the letter I’m mailing him!
It seems that against my better judgement, I have once again started planning the next Meet Wentworth Miller adventure. Why am I so in love with you Wentworth? Why? *shaking head at self* I never learn. This time however, I want Went to come to me. Now I realize my afro is magic but unless Went really had a reason to be in Baltimore, I doubt he’d come. Luckily, I happened to be brainstorming with Deadbeat Nymph and she suggested I write John Waters and ask him to cast Went in his new movie. What a FANTASTIC idea!!! Does John Waters even have a new movie coming out? Oh hell, I’ll write the fucking movie if I have to.
Ahahaha, get it? Dear John? *ahem* You don’t know me, but I live in Baltimore so that makes us neighbors. And as your neighbor, I have a request: I would like for you to cast Wentworth Miller in your next movie (see pic enclosed). Isn’t he beautiful? He’s a great crier too and he has gay man experience. Ahahaha, what does that even mean?
You have a computer right? I can direct you to some lovely You Tube clips of his performances. I just love You Tube; Have you seen Samwell’s video? I know you always film in Baltimore so you would totally be helping me meet, hang out with, fuck, marry and procreate with Wentworth Miller. See, I don’t ask for much.
I was thinking, you could even cast me in my breakout role as Wentworth Miller’s love interest! I can see it now…Boy from the wrong side of the tracks who just wants to sing falls in love with a preppy square girl. Hilarity ensues with plenty of singing and dancing numbers and maybe a tear tattoo…Wait, this sounds familiar? Forget that one; It’s been done.
How about this: Went is an alien, a very sexy alien, from the planet Perfecto. He comes to Earth to find the chosen one to prevent the evil Scarfettes from taking over the Universe. He looks just as he does now except he can’t see out of his eyes, he can only see out of his penis. So the whole movie, he’d just walk around looking for me with his penis. Oh oh oh, and the way they say hello on Perfecto is by fucking you BUT they fuck with their eyes. So let’s imagine for a minute, Wentworth Miller, walking around looking for the chosen one with his penis and saying hello to everyone he passes. He already knows how to eye fuck so it’s PERFECT! Men cum and fall to the ground. Women cry out in ecstacy before they wobble and fall, kind of like this. It’s GOLD I tell you, GOLD!
I don’t have it all worked out yet but those are the basics and we can make the film a metaphor. The eye-fucking is representative of how casual sex is cold and unfeeling. Oh and the seeing out of the penis could mean, watch out for your penis! You know, like, be safe and stuff. It could be like a social commentary public service announcement sci-fi comedy and then Went would totally dig that it meant something. I know what you’re thinking, you don’t want your shit to mean anything! Well, you and I would know that we just want to see him walking around with his penis out and eye-fucking people but HE would think we were deep. Everyone wins!
OK well, I’ve taken up enough of your time with my insane ideas, and to think, I’m not even drunk right now. There’s a real shocker! I think Went is the only choice for whatever it is you may have in mind. No matter what, he can do it. *starts cheering* Wentworth, Wentworth he’s our man, if he can’t do it, no one can! Gooooo Went! Wentworth Miller for President.
A fan and neighbor
WFW (real name and address here)
P.S. Your Christmas music taste is excellent.
P.P.S. Here’s Went’s info (Went’s mailing address here). I know you’ll be wanting to contact him now. Don’t forget to talk about what the film means to you. It’s all in the pitch!