I thought I’d try a little something different this year and actually live blog during the show. You will need to refresh your page to see my updates and if you come in at the end, you’ll see them in all of their typo’d, incoherent glory, unless I’ve cleaned them up by then. On with Orientacion!
Last update: 9/18 6:43 a.m. to add a couple caps 🙂
-Oooo Went and Dom walking in slow motion for the promo all serious looking and new credits. Nice!
-FOX wants us to remember that Jodi Lynn O’Keefe is a hot piece of ass so she comes out in her bra and panties and a shirt that she TAKES OFF to do her makeup. OK she’s hot; Duly noted.
-Michael looks sufficiently scared of this new prison as a couple guys battle to the death in the rain while the crowd cheers them on. I know this is supposed to frighten me but men mud wrestling with muscles rippling everywhere is REALLY doing the opposite. Oh shit, I heard a neck break, color me scared.
-Linc is working overtime to get his brother out of Sona and it looks like he’s on to something. He’s been promised a transfer for Michael the next day. Something tells me that was too easy…
-Jesus! Bellick looks like SHIT! He’s walking around all beat up in his underwear and dehydrated. Wade Williams in his underwear is NOT doing it for me.
-Mahone is looking fuckable and angsty while he’s having flashbacks of his misdeeds and his family’s faces. He has some pills left that he’s popping, the junkie.
-Mahone found Michael and he’s freakin’ out. He wants out, NOW! He wants to work together but Michael told him to go fuck himself. My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die.
-There’s a girl screaming in…Panamanian. “Bring me my husband,” she says as Linc walks in to see his baby bro.
-Linc is telling him he’s getting out and all he can think about is Sara. What a sap. Linc says “See you tomorrow.”
-It’s time for the newbies to meet the HNIC who looks like he just finished doing the business with a whore dressed as a nun to get in. Michael is already famous in Sona, go figure. Lechero is trying to show them who’s boss and Michael stops him from beating a poor newbie to death for being so afraid he peed on the floor. “Brave Man.” Indeed.
-Ahahahaha Lechero dismisses them and asks the whore if Michael is good-looking and then throws her when she admits he is. OF FUCKING COURSE HE IS! He is a GOD!
-Michael is having flashbacks of Sara and Linc is looking for her. Dom is doing a good job.
-Bellick is being forced to work, for what I don’t know since he still looks hungry and thirsty and like shit.
-Here comes T-bag baby! Haha! And there’s that tongue…Mmmmmm
-Michael has another visitor who is planting the seed for Michael to break out. I smell the coooooompany.
-Some HUGE guy accuses Michael of stealing his stash which is conveniently stashed under his mattress. A plant. Do I smell a fight?
**SIDE NOTE: When Lechero has his man pat Michael down and then tells him to “Check his area,” was I the only one who thought Michael was going to get his very first hand job since this all began? Really? OK, the cheese stands alone…
-Linc gets a call that someone matching Sara’s description has been found at the morgue. Bye bye Sara!
-Bellick and his loser friend clean up the bathroom and burn the shit all day for the leftovers on the bone after the cook finished eating which is basically nothing. Brutal.
-Yay! T-bag Michael reunion! I’m all hot and shit!
-Bellick’s boy has decided to run. Death by CO. Fuck.
-Michael is horrified. I think he’s gonna hyperventilate and here comes the challenge..Someone wants Mike to put his dukes up. I recommend the drop kick he put on Bellick’s ass that time. Hee hee!
-Linc came to identify Sara. Let me guess, it’s not her…
-CALLED IT! It’s not her. And so we wait…
-Mike is trying to talk his way out of his fight. It ain’t gonna work. Mike calls Lechero out on setting him up, he denies it of course even though that’s exactly what he did.
-Bellick is still cleaning up shit for scraps. Someone, please save Bellick. I can’t take this much longer. Just when you start to feel sorry for Bellick, he does something like tell someone to bite him and it all starts to make sense again. Thank you Wade.
-Apparently, they have some people in some kind of bricked up cells in the basement. This place is fucked. The guy in the cell offers Bellick some “chicken” (translation: rat) to run an errand for him.
-There’s been another fight. Someone else is dead.
-T-bag sees who the big dog is and he wants in. He’s sucking up to Lechero, lol.
-Awww Mahone is offering fighting advice. He tells Michael to go for the knee cap. They should totally just fuck already. Michael said “It almost sounds like you care.” Mahone tells Michael he’s his “get out of jail free card.” It’s a Kodak moment.
-Bellick wishes Michael luck while he slips him something. A piece of paper? A shank? I’m glad I’m Tivoing this. I’m blind.
-OK it was a piece of paper. He puts one in the pocket of his opponent as well.
-T-bag is standing up top with Lechero ahahahaha. Way to form an alliance there T-bag!
-It’s fight time! Mike is screaming, “I’m not gonna fight!” Ahahahaha, we’ll see how long that lasts.
Straight for the kneecap baby! BAM! Ahahaha! Michael is kicking ASS! He thinks he’s done so he tries to leave. Lechero says “only one man gets out alive…” Cue horrified Michael aaaaaaand commercial.
-Giagantor is up again miraculously but Mike is still kicking ass. Someone gave big man a shank. Mike is not facing the crowd. Oh no! Is this the end for Michael Scofield?
-Of course not. Haha! Mahone steps in and slices that ass up. HA! He reiterates the rules to Lechero about no weapons. Lechero doesn’t look pleased but hey, they’re his rules.
-Linc shows up at the restaurant he’s supposed to meet his kid at. Oh did I forget to mention that LJ called Linc earlier? Could it be b/c no one matters but Went? MAYBE! Guess who’s there instead? Betty fucking Crocker bombshell of panty and bra fame from earlier and she knows his name and says that he should really talk to Michael and I bet we know what for.
-Cute chick is still outside screaming in not-English while the CO’s bring out the bodies and Michael watches. They shoot them to make sure they’re dead. Well that plan is out. The chick is now going through the pockets of the dead men’s clothes looking for a message on paper. I guess she found it.
-Linc is back to try and convince Mike to break Whistler out. He shows him video of LJ with a newspaper being held captive. Mike has a week to find this Whistler dude for BettyNo-Clothes or LJ and Sara are dead.
—Consensus after the rewatch.
Single greatest moment (yes I’m biased): The smile Michael gives before he says “Fighting dirty?” to Mahone *swoon*
Best Chemistry: Went and Bill. My God, they sizzled!
Best Scene: The fight AND Mahone saving Michael’s ass in the fight. Oh save me Mahone. SAVE ME!
Gripe: Lechero’s accent was in and out, dammit I need consistency!
Random Comment: Dom is looking hot. Who knew?
Overall, good opener! B+ Next week will be even better cuz Heroes will be on after. Sorry K-Ville, you should have picked another timeslot!