Category Archives: Fake Interviews

Conversations with Wentworth Miller

Earlier, we told you about Wentcrazy, who has been detained indefinitely due to his Wentworth Miller impersonation spree. We are happy to report that we have finally reached Wentworth Miller for comment and he has agreed to give us an exclusive interview regarding this still developing situation. We now take you to Wents’ secret location…

WFW: Went?

Went: Yes, I’m here.

WFW: Hey Baby, how’s it goin?

Went :WFW! I’ve missed you. I’m good; What’s up with you?

WFW: Oh nothing much, just wondering how you’re holding up and how it’s hanging…a little to the left if I remember correctly…

Went: *laughs*

WFW: So Went, what’s the deal with this evil bastard trying to make you out to be some sort of player or something?

Went: Well we’re not sure. We think it’s like, some sort of PR ploy because I’ve never officially taken a stance on the whole sexuality thing. You know I’m a private person and really it’s no one’s god damn business but mine. Besides you already know what I like.

WFW: Do I ever! That’s what I thought though. So, why not instead of answering, just go the Paris Hilton route and make a sex tape? I mean pictures don’t lie…well unless they’re photoshopped…OK bad example but you get the idea. I think that would definitely set the record straight…so to speak. You know what? I’ll star in it with you. How does that sound?

Went: It sounds great but there’s really no need. Fuck em all.

WFW: Does that include me?

Went: *laughs* Of course…Hey is that you across the street?

WFW: Well yeah…

Went: So why’d you call me if you were just gonna show up?

WFW: Well, you know how I like to be on top of things…

Went:*laughs*

WFW: *laughs too* You always did love my puns you wicked man. So, what’s next on the Wentworth Miller appearance schedule?

Went: I was thinking I might fly somewhere, you know, just to be spotted in the airport or have my photo taken…to prove that all of this hasn’t gotten me down.

WFW: As I remember it, it takes a lot to get you down…

Went: *laughs* How is it you can make ANYTHING sound sexual?

WFW: It’s a gift.

And there you have it folks. Down but not out, Wentworth Miller presses on while Wentcrazy twirls in circles, reciting Jay-Z lyrics. I wonder what’s next for Wentcrazy? A Prison Break maybe?

pics courtesy of Just Jared

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Filed under Fake Interviews, Humor

Interview Recap & The Interview Went SHOULD Have Had

OK so we got some new info on His Royal Hotness (or at least some info I didn’t know) and Went made some great jokes. To recap, I addressed everyone involved in the interviewing process of one Wentworth Earl Miller III. To begin, I start with some of you who were in the audience.

To the girls in the audience: You just didn’t try hard enough. I don’t even think he heard you. Next time have your game face on. A nice yell DURING the interview may have even gotten him to look at you for a split second which I know would have been the best split second of your life. If I was there, I would have yelled “I love you Went!” at the top of my lungs during a nice quiet moment when I knew I would be heard. I’m disappointed in all of you and your classy restraint.

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To Guillermo: I’m very happy to see you too.
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To Wentworth: Your entrance was so charming. I loved the mock “I’m gonna kick your ass”posturing, the gallop down the stairs, the hug and the hair rub all done in the name of redeeming yourself with Guillermo, but don’t think I didn’t see you rub your hand on your pants on the way to your seat…3 times. I wonder what kind of product Guillermo had in his hair that you were trying to wipe off. I would have given your red carpet interview an A. I wouldn’t let anyone touch my hair or touch theirs either: Not even to whore myself out for a late night show that no one watches. Congratulations Went, you are not a whore. Besides, you are allergic to air, I would just start cussing people out if I were you and they kept asking me to touch foreign things that might make me breakout. So, in high school it was the A/V club, Newspaper, Swim Team, Chorus…? You were such a busy and cute little geekboy. Did you ever get laid? If we were teens at the same time, I would have totally deflowered you. By the way, I’m not naming our kid Jimmy Wentworth Miller and I don’t care how much you beg me.
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To Jimmy: While I had never seen your show before this interview I have to say I did like seeing you interview Went. Now it may just have been your proximity to Wentworth that made you interesting to me or it may be that I was so happy your Aunt and Uncle were not still on my screen doing that horrible skit which made me lose precious moments of my life that I will never get back. That skit sir, sucked balls, and not in a positive life affirming way.
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Being in the Princeton Tigertones: It’s kinda like the Crips

The tattoo adds some definition apparently

And now for the fun part. 25 questions I’d ask if I ever got to interview Went.

1. Let’s start with the most important: What is your favorite sexual position?

2. What is one thing in your life that you would go back and change if you could?

3. What the fuck? Yes, that is the real question.

4. What time is it in Hot as Hell Land where you live?

5. How many times a day do you masturbate?

6. Name a hero who does nothing to contribute to society but is your hero anyway and then tell me why. Just so you get the hang of this, I’ll start. My hero is Paris Hilton. She’s rich and famous and does absolutely nothing all day but shop and party. For those reasons, she’s my hero. Now you try.

7. Like you, I had strict parents and my answer to that was full on-out of control-I should have been put out of my house-rebellion. What do you think would have happened if you had bucked the system and gone your own way? Do you think you’d be better off or worse?

8. Aren’t you tired of the tattoo question? I don’t even have to answer it and I’m sick to death of it.

9. If you found out you were going to die in a week, what would you make sure to try and fit into the time you had left?

10. Is there anything that you would die for?

11. Can I have a naked picture of you? I won’t post it. I promise.

12. What do you spend most of your leisure time doing?

13. What is one thing that people would be surprised to know about you?

14. How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?

15. Describe in detail what your ideal mate would be like (physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually). Have you ever met anyone that comes close?

16. How good are you at keeping secrets?

17. When you lay in bed at night between being awake and going to sleep and just think, what do you think about?

18. What possession of yours holds the most sentimental value and why?

19. What are your top five movies of all time and why?

20. Is there a piece of technology that you rely so heavily on that you could hardly live without it? If so, what is it?

21. Can you do a movie where we get to see your ass? Jake did and look how his career is turning out. You really should try it. Do it for the fans.

22. What do you do to let loose and party and when was the last time you had a really wild time?

23. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

24. Do you ever wish you could be someone else for a day? If so who?

25. Before you go, can I just lick some part of you? Yes I’m completely serious.

What would you ask him?

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Filed under Baby Went, Fake Interviews

Set your Tivos!

I have never seen Jimmy Kimmel Live but apparently it comes on at 12:05 a.m. EST weeknights on ABC. Now, for the reason I am telling you this: Tomorrow 10/20 Went will be on and you do NOT want to miss this. Witness as Jimmy (like everyone else) asks Went the same questions we already know the answers to! I could write this interview myself. In fact, here’s a transcript of it.

Jimmy: Wentworth Miller ladies and gentlemen!

Went walks out all tall and beautiful and smiling to a crowd of screaming women who will scream even after he sits down. He will wave to them and pretend he doesn’t think they are all a bunch of crazy fucking lunatics and that he wouldn’t rather just be at home reading or playing scrabble or petting his imaginary cat b/c he can’t have a real one.

Jimmy: So how did you get your start?

Went: (Same shit we already know)

Jimmy: How was it working in a prison?

Went: (Same shit we already know)

Jimmy: How is this second season different than the last one?

Went: We’re not in prison.

Jimmy: How long did it take to put on that tattoo and how many pieces did it have?

Went: (Went answers this question yet again like the patient gentlemen he is instead of just strangling Jimmy and telling him where he can shove his redundant ass tattoo question).

Jimmy: How is it working with your costars?

Went: (Same shit we already know)

Jimmy: So, do you have any other projects in the works?

Went: No I’m just concentrating on Prison Break. which we alreadly knew

Jimmy: So what do you do for fun?

Went: (Same shit we already know)

Jimmy: Are you dating anyone?

Went: No I’m just concentrating on work. We already knew this and before you think it, yes, you can translate this answer any way you please.

Jimmy: So you’re mixed?

Went: Uh-huh

Jimmy: And you went to Princeton?

Went: Right

Jimmy: What’s it like to be working on such a successful show?

Went: It’s like winning the lottery.

Jimmy: What do you look for in a woman?

Went: Confidence.

Jimmy: So what do you think of your character on the show?

Went: (Explains in an intelligent manner that the show is an action drama but is also about family b/c it’s about a set of brothers…blah…blah…blah…same shit we already know).

Jimmy: Wentworth Miller ladies and gentlemen and don’t forget to watch Prison Break on Monday nights at 8:00 p.m. EST. Goodnight!

Note: Went, it’s not that I don’t appreciate the tidbits I do know but it would be great to know more…but I guess I can’t hold that against you when people keep asking you the same damn questions over and over. *sigh* If I’m not too defeated about the lack of new info after the interview I MIGHT upload it to YouTube and post it, but then, I might just let someone else upload it and just embed it in my post. I like the second option. Less work. Until tomorrow then…and don’t forget to set your Tivos!

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Filed under Fake Interviews

Conversations with Wentworth Miller

WFW: Now that we’ve been together, I think we should get to know each other a little better. I’d love to hear more about you.

Went: Well, my name originated from a character in a Jane Austen novel named Captain Wentworth.

WFW: That’s not news, but thanks for sharing. You’re beautiful.

Went: I worked at Borders for two years before getting my break in acting.

WFW: Awesome! I love books! Would you read to me? I love your voice….

Went: Sure a little later. You know what else? I’m pretty much a couch potato.

WFW: We will get along famously then. Why don’t you pass me the remote? Grey’s Anatomy is coming on.

Went: Actually I was in the mood to watch something else.

WFW: Oh don’t be jealous of McDreamy and McSteamy, you can be McWenty! OK?

Went: No I don’t care about that, my favorite TV show Law and Order is on.

WFW: What do you mean it’s on? It’s always on. It comes on 50 times a day. Not to mention it’s been on the air since I was 2 and has more spin-offs than 90210. Besides we were talking right? Tell me something else. Tell me about your family and turn A…Little…To the left. I’m trying to get a good view of your mole.

Went: I was born in England but raised in Brooklyn. My mother is white and my father is black and they are now divorced. I have two younger sisters.

WFW: Oh wow, divorced huh? That must suck for you. I have a younger brother and two older ones. My parents are still together. My fathers’ mothers’ grandmother was white, does that count? She was even from England! Look, that’s even more we have in common. We’re made for each other. What else?

Went: I was a part of a group called the Tigertones while attending Princeton; we recorded two albums.

WFW: This is uncanny. I sang all through middle school and all the way on up to college #1 (Don’t ask), until I decided that fucking around was WAY more important than a stupid degree that could double my earning potential. You’re so smart. What’s the square root of a million?

Went: I majored in English Literature so math wasn’t really my thing.

WFW: Well what kind of movies do you like?

Went: To name a few, Dangerous Liaisons, The Shining and Carrie.

WFW: I’m so glad you didn’t say Crash. That would have ended our relationship.

Went: If you don’t slow down, YOU are going to crash. I have campaigned against drug-use and appeared in anti-drug ads.

Let me get this straight: I already had to give my cat up because you’re allergic to them, not to mention I had to forget about ever owning that cocker spaniel (because you’re allergic to dogs too) that I have wanted ever since I was little and saw that cute little brown one in a Santa hat bringing the Isotoner slippers to its master in that commercial, you know the one, they don’t play it anymore…What was I saying? Oh yes, Now I have to put out the joint? You better be worth all this trouble. For Real.

trivia source

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Filed under Fake Interviews, Went Info

One on One with Wentworth Miller

I have an EXCLUSIVE recorded interview obtained just moments ago that was conducted IN PERSON (read: my imagination) with Wentworth Miller. Wet for Went is extremely proud to bring you this candid interview in Wents’ own words. (Note, I didn’t just embed a flash player to play his reponses because it distorted his voice and I couldn’t have that).

WFW: I’m sitting here with Wentworth Miller ladies and gentlemen, of Prison Break fame, and he has allowed me a short interview before his evening trip to Starbucks. So Went, there’s been a lot of talk about you and your love life. I mean we never see you with anyone. There was that “Emmy” girl but other than that, nothing. I’m not going to ask who you’re seeing although I’m sure my readers want to know, I’m just going to go with a hypothetical here. With so many admirers, some are wondering what your type really is and what a relationship with you is really like. Tell me a story. What are you like when you meet someone?

Went:

WFW: So you’re from the love them and leave them school but not opposed to a relationship that develops out of casual sex? I get it. Wow. I had no idea you were such a bad boy.

Went:

WFW: I stand corrected you sexy MF.

Went starts to squirm. He needs his caffeine fix now now now and he glances out the window of his hotel room at a crazed group of fans who have gathered trying to get a glimpse of him.

WFW: So Mr. Badass, do you think you can make it out there? I mean, that crowd looks as if they’re going to maul you to death and man, the screaming! You probably won’t even make it to Starbucks.

Went:

WFW: But you just said…so, wait. Do you mean a real date or sex? I’m confused. Which one do you mean?

Went:

He smirks and gets this look in his eye and in no time flat we’re getting down to business. Many rounds later…

WFW: So, how was it for you?

Went:

WFW: For me too baby. Oh wait, the tape recorder! Is that thing still on? I’m definitely going to have to edit this later…

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Filed under Fake Interviews, Went Audio