Daily Archives: February 16, 2007

Wet For Went’s Wentworth Miller Masturbation Workout

I figure, everyone is all into this fitness thing these days so I said to myself, self, you should release a workout tape or DVD or something and make some quick cash…when I remembered that no one who looked at me would believe I worked out I said to myself, fat ass, why don’t you release an instructional step by step guide combining your two favorite things: Cumming and Wentworth Miller, and then I said back to myself, YES! That’s it! And so I present to you: Wet For Went’s Wentworth Miller Masturbation Workout or WFWWMMW; A way to get you through your workday and your miserably horny and Went-less existence.

Warm up:

Drink some water. In fact, drink a lot of water. 48 oz. is good and don’t go to the bathroom for a while. Yes this will be important later, so do it. Trust me. *grin*

Step 1

Learn to masturbate without using your hands. I know that this a tall order for some of you so I will say, skip this if you weren’t born with the obscenely pleasant and ridiculously convenient talent I was born with. Sometimes, I fucking love my life.

Step 2

Make sure no one else is around, unless you’re into that sort of thing. I leave my office door open but I can hear someone coming and sometimes, it’s kind of hot to be almost caught. I wonder what the people at work would think if they saw my head thrown back and a look of absolute ecstasy on my face. Can you say RAISE?

Step 3

Decide just how many orgasms it’s going to take to satisfy you. Three is usually the magic number for me. Actually, this one is kind of up in the air as you don’t know how many you will need until you get down to business. So let’s move on to

Step 4

Get yourself a Wentworth Miller photo. I like to start with the one I affectionately refer to as “The Mock Cock.” Observe:

Notice how it looks as if he is holding…himself. Mmmm…Now imagine him stroking his beauuuuuuuutiful…self and go with that. Zoom in on the crotch area…Isn’t that nice? Fuck yeah it is….Mmmm….

Step 5


Step 6

Realize that one is not nearly enough and move on to

Step 7

Get yourself another Wentworth Miller picture. These days I move on to the one I affectionately refer to as “Getting Fingered.” Have a look:

Mmmm, look at those fingers. Imagine them going in and out and in and out and wiggling around in there a little and in and out…Now look into his eyes…that’s it, that’s it…

Step 8

Cum Again

Step 9

Realize that one-sided “romance” is sad and a little pathetic. You want Went to cum WITH you! So make him, by using a pic I affectionately refer to as “Wentstacy.” And here it is:

Oh yeah, oh yeah, he’s cumming with you this time. Oh GOD it’s gonna be good. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, oh fuck, SHIIIIIIIIIIIIT

Step 10

Regain consciousness. Control the eyes now. They’re rolling up into your head and it looks like you’re having a seizure. Stop shaking, calm it down now, I think you’re OK. You should be throbbing now and plenty satisfied. But guess what? It’s not over…

Cool Down:

Go pee. I know you’re thinking, WFW, what the fuck does this have to do with anything? Shut up and Just. Go. Pee.

And now you’re done! Working out will never be the same again.

This has been Wet For Went’s Wentworth Miller Masturbation Workout. Donations can be sent in lieu of your first born, by clicking the Paypal Donate button in the sidebar. *bowing* Have a fantastic day.


Filed under Humor, WFW